Paper Napkin

A rip roaring post you'll never forget!

Sheesh, what a weekend. My house has been filled with children, both morning and night. Thankfully at the moment the house is quiet because my kids are at other people's houses. (Or they were when I started this post. Now they're in bed.) I've been having a lot of anxiety/depression something-or-other syndrome this weekend, which consists of me not thinking about moving, and sighing, a lot. Maybe it's SAD and I need to pull out my lightbox, I dunno. I don't even realize I'm sighing, and then I'll hear myself, and realize I've been doing it all day. It's my go-to outlet for anxiety, I guess. Why am I telling you this?

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Hey, those of you who read my sidebar, do you like the new format for my book reviews, or did you prefer when I posted my mini-reviews of the last three books I read in the sidebar? I just thought this new widget was kind of cool because you can comment on the books I'm reading and my reviews. Of course the downside is you have to click through, which, you know, on the internet is the equivalent of running a marathon or sewing your own clothes.

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I made Jiffy Pop popcorn today, for the first time ever! I have to say it was very anti-climactic after all those commercials in the 70s built it up so.

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Several of you emailed me to ask how I bust my cycle with Haley. I don't know if this will help anyone, but this is how I down-shift my inappropriate anger:

• take a time out
• instead of laying into her, I give a spontaneous compliment about something related (I love how you know exactly what you want, that's really going to serve you well.)
• sometimes I whisper-- it helps me be gentler
• I speak to her like she's someone I've just been introduced to (this little mind game helps A LOT to shift me into polite gear)
• pray
• give her a hug
• if she's doing something to get my goat, I pretend I'm a behavioral scientist studying her in a controlled experiment, sometimes I mentally narrate, just to make myself smile (subject seems to have forgotten how to buckle her seat belt)
• change the subject-- ask her a question about herself, to try to dissipate the tension (What's one thing I could do for you to make your day better today? What your favorite SpongeBob episode? If you could change one thing about our family, what would you change? If you were going to take a trip where would you go?)
• use neutral words. My 4 favorite are: Oh, wow, really, and hmm. I've found these are words that cue I'm listening, and don't cause her to be defensive, or me to be harsh.

There are more but I feel kind of silly sharing them because some of them are just me playing make believe, but they shift my perspective, and get me to view the situation in a different way quickly, which is exactly what I need in order to react differently.

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What? You want to see picture of my kids at the beach? OK. Click to embiggen.

That third one is Will pretending to hang ten.

Here comes a big one!

Haley before she decided that this ocean thing was alriiiight!

Now with 33% more cuteness!

I am trying to take more pictures of my children. And put them in albums instead of leaving them on the hard drive. Because when they grow up, and all their friends have elaborate scrapbooks, with the tender loving care of their mothers emanating from every page, documenting every moment of their lives, and all my children have is an old shoe box with half a dozen photos, I know it's going to cost them an extra few hundred dollars at the therapist's. We don't own a video camera either. (Cha-ching!)

This week I actually remembered to bring my camera with me somewhere! So here I bestow pictures of my son at his very first softball game.

You want the cuteness? You can't handle the cuteness!

The cheeks! I must eat them!

Also...

I've taken up gardening. It's weird though, because they don't look like the pictures on the little cards. Hmm, maybe I'm watering them too much.

Weekend in Pictures

So how was your weekend? Ours was very busy. So busy, I hardly even had time to Twitter. Now that's busy. Here are a few highlights (click to enlarge). Summer isn't here yet, but my kids are doing their best to usher it in.

We had all the summer essentials: popcicles, bubbles, and the Slip-N-Slide. The only thing missing was temperatures above 75° !

Here Will, with the concentration of a concert violinist, prepares his mighty bubble wand. There, in the background is our patio, which is in desperate need of a good pressure washing.

Bubbles ala James Brown: Yeeeow! Jump back! Wanna kiss myself!

Love Thursday

I used to love this dog. Now? Less so. I'm not proud of that. I don't want to be a fair weather pet owner, but I guess I am.

Love is agreeing to keep a dog* your children adore, even though she's been having diarrhea since May, due to The Worms That Will. Not. Die.

May, people.

If that ain't love, I don't know what is.

*I make no promises about the future of the dog, and how she may or may not mysteriously go to live somewhere else one day. What can I say? I'm a heartless bastard.

We Break For Ducks

We interrupt this language arts lesson to catch the neighbors ducks! (Click to enlarge.)

That's Daisy on the right and Blueberry on the left. It's the second time this week they've escaped from the neighbor's yard, and found their way into ours. We have no idea how they're getting in, but they waddle right up to the sliding glass door to say hello to the dog, and see what we're up to.  Even after 2 years, I'm sometimes surprised we live someplace so rural.

L is for the way you look at me.

Oh! I can just get this one in under the wire. Karen has declared it Love Thursday. Post a picture on your blog that says love to you (baby), and then leave a comment on her site telling her you're participating, and go look at the pictures other people have posted.

Here's one of Aaron and me when we were first married. (You can click to enlarge, but it's not very good quality. Remember the days when they used film in cameras?) Hopefully right after this shot we had joint appointments at the hair salon. Ah, the love of the young and frizzy.

Say Cheese

Okay, I finally, after months got a new USB cord for the camera. If it weren't for this blog, there might be no pictures of my children, so I guess this space is good for something. (Click to enlarge.)

Here's the cake I made for Emily's birthday (in May).

It's really easy to make. The sand is graham cracker crumbs and the water is blue gel icing. It doesn't get much easier than that.

Here's Will's cake. The spikes are Guacamole flavored Doritos. Which really aren't that delectable with frosting, go figure. But, it looks cute!

And speaking of cute, here he is Mr. Cute himself.

Here he is at Christmas, shaking his dino-groove thang.
Watcha gonna do with all that junk?
All that junk in your dino-trunk?

Holy Caravaggio Batman!

Check out Worth 1000's latest contest which morphs renown paintings and superheroes. Some of these are amazing!

And did you know there is an International Edible Book Festival? Too bad I missed this year's.

I'm drooling. I wish I knew enough CSS to enter this contest. I would love to try design a Template for Typepad/Live Journal. If you enter, let me know. I want to live vicariously through you. I'm definitely taking a CSS class this summer.

"Golly, Dad, when I grow up I don't want to be a fireman, or the president. I want to work for the NIST! They've got a swell kid's page on their website. Why, I could spend all day reading about standardized units of measurement."

I know...I should be at a bar-b-que, right?

Without Your Love, It's A Honky-Tonk Parade...

Go look at this stirring "Paper Moon" photo collection on flickr.

What are you still doing here?

William Of Orange (Plaid)

My dad goes on these little kicks where he finds something he likes, and is so convinced of the merits of whatever it is, he buys everyone one. He's cute like that. Lately it's the tamo'shanter. This morning Will got this in the mail.

As you can see, he thinks he looks pretty fetching, and I must agree. Then as I was uploading the photo, I found this self portrait.

Quite the photographer, eh? He's like the Ansel Adams of nostrils.

It's eeaaarly and I'm awake, so I'll take a minute to post before I saunter off to do the dishes left from last night, and the laundry. I'm a morning person; we saunter. The reason the dishes are still in the sink? Not a night person, so when ten o'clock came over me, I had to lay my weary head down.

I LOVE trick-or-treating. Not even for the candy, if you can believe that. Last night was so warm, it was like 55° F, the kids were adorable (I'll post pics soon), and we have the greatest neighborhood with the nicest people. I love our neighbors. We  had the neighbors on the right (that's your left) over for dinner on Sunday. They have two boys 7 and  5 (those are their ages not their names) and our kids get along really well, and we all walked the neighborhood together last night. They're considering moving back to China next year, and I really hope they don't.

Will got a piece of candy last night before I had a chance to go through the baskets. It was a mini-jawbreaker, and he choked on it. He came into the kitchen half crying, and couldn't talk. I knew in a flash what was wrong, and turned him upside down (I read a long time ago that if your kid is light enough you should do that, instead of the Heimlich) banged on his back and it fell out. Scary.

Remember our broken heat? Yeah, not so broken. It's a system that's separate from the air conditioning, but we had no clue, so basically we paid someone $50 to point to the wall and say "turn this dial if you want heat." D'oh!

I've lived most of my life in a part of the country where the leaves don't turn. Since words like golden and flame are cliche (all the good words are taken) there's no original way I can think to describe it, other than to compare the color to Cheetos, but the whole thing is absolutely awe inspiring to me.

Mood: Eeyorish

I suffer from SAD. Slovenly Affective Disorder. This means the cleaner my house is, the happier I am. We've been living here for almost 4 months, and still our library looked like this.

Until today.

If I'm going to survive the winter doldrums, I need to keep my house clean. Which means tomorrow I shall attack the last bastion of crap, the playroom. Also, I swear this is the last post where I discuss cleaning, sleeping, or clipping my toe nails, which means I may not post any time soon. But if you want to read about that stuff, you can click on the "What's Eating Me" link, where I periodically ponder the profundity of peeling paint.

Weekend In Pictures

A picture is worth a thousand words, especially since no one wants to read a thousand words about cleaning the garage.

Here's the morning fog from the other day, it's too cold to be foggy now.



Busy day today, so I've gotta get my butt in gear.

Next To Cute In The Dictionary

This morning it was "Donuts With Dad" at Emily and Haley's school. There was a flurry of activity as they got ready and skipped out the door (well, okay Aaron didn't skip), leaving a very unhappy pre-schooler in their wake. I spent the first few seconds after the garage door shut assessing whether this would be an I-wanted-to-go-too-but-I-can-be-distracted-by-playing-dinosaurs unhappiness, or a My-life-is-now-over-call-the-coroner unhappiness. It was the latter. But! !t was going to be okay, because, uh... it was "Pancakes With Mom" too! Yeah, that's it. How could I have almost forgotten?! As you can see, all things are made right by the promise of pancakes

Happy (5th) Birthday Haley

Haley's First Day Of Kindergarten

I love you Birdie.

Quick Pics

(Click any to enlarge)

Look at that bee-u-tiful coat. She's a Spaniel/Retriever mix, and as sweet as apple pie. Now what to name her?!

Something That Won't Offend Your Delicate Sensibilities

What? One photo of my dad's feet and you all scatter like birds?! Whatever. Here's some pictures of their house.

The Good, The Bad, And The Ugly

My parents house is built in the side of a hill, and the wild life here is amazing. Several families of quail live nearby, and we watch them search for food when we swim in the morning. This morning I saw three coyote run across the field. I wish my camera had been within arm's reach. I haven't been lucky enough to see any javelina this trip, but they're out there.

And of course, there's the plant life. That turquoise dot is Emily. (Click to enlarge)

Unfortunately there's a lot of wild life in the house too. So far I've seen a scorpion, a centepede, and the moths are having Party In The Light Fixtures 2005 Flutterganza! all over the house. For the first couple of mornings I woke up with several spider bites. One afternoon I was napping peacefully, and felt something crawling on me, and lo and behold the ants had decided to welcome me to the desert, just like the bunnies and squirrels welcomed Snow White to the forrest. Wasn't that thoughtful of them?

There is yet a third, horrifying form of wild life, which lurks here...

Hi!

The kids and I have made our summer pilgrimage to my parents house in Arizona. My parents are in their seventies, so naturally they decided they would build a new house. Which they would design, and contract out themselves. Um, yeah, why not. (It's a little depressing when people twice your age have twice your ambition and energy.) Anyway!  It's a gorgeous house.

Here is the pool; it has about a 6ft drop off, and no wall or fence, so you get the feeling you're swimming in a dessert spring.

We've been swimming early morning and at night, because you can't go out in the heat.

Well, you can go out in the heat, the 114° heat, like these golfers, with the boiled brains. The one in the red shirt made a lovely putt and then spontaneously combusted.

Yes, what better place to have miles of grass than in the middle of the desert, where you have to waste oceans of water to keep it alive! Oops, sorry, my bourgeois is showing. My parents also have some really nice art. Unfortunately, Typepad is head-bang-ing-ly slow today, and why am I uploading all this stuff when I could be in the pool? Okay, two more.

 

These vessels are about 5.5' tall, and they're hand thrown and fired in an underground kiln. The sculpture in the middle is bronze and was done in the 30s. I don't know the name so let's call it Hey! You, Coast Guard, How Long Do I Have To Perch On This Wave Before You Swing 'Round And Pick Me Up? I don't know if you can tell, but that wall is curved...

...Here is the other side of the round library. It's not nice to make your children drool.

Happy 3rd Birthday Sweet William

Egg Therapy

After Aaron was unemployed for a year and a half, and we had buzz-sawed through our savings, he got a job, but at much less salary than he had before he, and about 2000 others were laid off. Unfortunately it doesn't seem to be enough for us to live on. Well, it's enough for our monthly expenses, but I see things like car maintenance, new tires, clothes, property tax, savings (pfft), ballet and piano (double pfft), and biennial vacations (so many pfffts it makes your lips numb) which are paid at less regular intervals. Feh. Should I go back to work? I loved teaching, but after 7 years of staying home, I just now feel like I'm fiiiinally getting the hang of it.

Lucky for me I was boiling an egg today. When it was done, I put it in a white bowl filled with cold water. A white egg in a white bowl is very soothing. Almost as curing as the sound of spring rain, the feel of a down pillow, the scent of freshed baked bread, or an extra 20 grand in the bank. Almost.

Emily Without Training Wheels!

(Click to embiggen.)

 

 

Meme Pics

Here are the pics you asked for. In random order...my house. Shee eez cute, no? My blue front door which has brush strokes on it, but I don't care. This is my kitchen, which has a breakfast counter and stools. Fun in a 70s sort of way. I didn't think I would like having a side-by-side fridge, but I do. Posting everything and the kitchen sink today.

This is my long, narrow, brown bathroom. Here is the brown shower, which has a funky square tub. Here are my bathroom cabinets. I love Sterilite boxes with the hinged lids. They make life worth living. Here is my uninspired writing desk. It needs more cow bell, but what do you want, I'm still unpacking. The view from my screened in porch windows. My bed, which I almost never make.

Let's see, what else did you ask for? Here are my favorite shoes, with my feet in them at Chasmyn's request. They are not nearly as grody as they look, and neither are my toes, but alas my ankles are that fat. Anyway, I heart Berkies. I'm going to have to send them away to get new tread put on soon.*sniff* Here is my purse. The baugette purse is the best invention since... sliced baugette. When I look inside, I can seeee everything in it !

And the final four: something that makes me feel bautiful. That would be Loreal extended wear lipstick in dawning rose. Something I like to play with. I bought a marble maze last Christmas under the guise that it was for the children, heh. Something that makes me smile. Well of course that would be all my kids, but Will was handy when I was snapping pics this morning. And a collection. Well that was fun, if a little time consuming...

We Interrupt This Summer...

Sorry the posts have been a bit slow in coming this week. But there's a whole lot of blogging going on. Read Lee's post on Fatherhood, or trek on over to the Haiku Smackdown at Shiz' for some summer 'kuing. In the mood for a quiz? i just took one I saw at Mir's who saw it at Oliquig's . It tells you if you're more left or right brained. Here's an accurate blurb from mine: "You remain predominantly functional in your orientation and practical. Abstraction and theory are secondary to application. In keeping with this, you focus on details until they manifest themselves in a unique pattern and only then work with the 'larger whole.'" Better yet let your screen saver do it's job and head out to the backyard! Slip 'N' Slide is a mom's best friend

Next Stop: The Conniption Olympics

My son Will will be two next month. Much of the time he is a sweet, giggly cherub. But I must admit, I can see the twos looming over us. Lately he’s been in training for the world renown toddler triathlon “The Whinin’ Man”. It’s 45 minutes of screaming your lungs out followed by 10 minutes of banging your head against the dishwasher and finishing with 20 minutes of throwing your toys at anyone who comes near you. It’s a grueling course, but we think he’s ready.

In all fairness, I have to take some responsibility. Will is my third child, and by the time you have child number three you’re a little more relaxed, or beaten down as the case may be. When Emily and Haley were Will’s age if they asked for m&ms for breakfast, I would simply say “I’m sorry, you can’t have m&ms for breakfast. Maybe you can have a few later after lunch, how about some oatmeal?” And that would be that. No amount of surliness would make me give in. Now breakfast goes like this:

Me: I’m sorry you can’t have m&ms for breakfast. How about some oatmeal?
Will: No!
Me: Toast?
Will: No!
Me: String cheese?
Will: No!
Me: Gingered lamb shanks with with sweet potato souffle and a touch of creme fraiche?

This goes on until I exhaust the inventory in my kitchen and there is nothing left to offer except cornstarch. Then Will spends some time training for the triathlon. Finally I say “How about if I put m&ms in your oatmeal, Sweety?” More training ensues. (He’s really dedicated.) “Okay slugger, how about a nice big bowl of m&ms? Would you like some Pepsi with that?”

I’m exaggerating of course, because Will doesn't speak much English yet. He speaks Honk. When he says yes, or no, or I want the other one you idiot, he makes this honking sound. It’s a softer version of Tony Randall’s “Felix” on The Odd Couple having an allergy attack. Kind of like a pigeon with adenoid trouble. Anyway, he spends a good deal of time honking at me.

And persnickety! Sheesh, It’s like living with Joan Crawford! If we’re playing ball I can only roll the ball to him. I am not under any circumstances to bounce the ball even slightly or it will sound as if our house has been descended upon by Canadian geese.  And heaven help me if I do not understand immediately what he is honking about.  Woe unto me if I put the sandwich on his plate instead of his napkin, hesitate for a nano second to pick him up, fail to give him the right stuffed animal at naptime, and how could I be so stupid, and why is it so hard to get good help these days. There is an entire written manual for how I am to behave when he is sitting on my lap. I am not to bounce him on my knee, put my arm on his back, or sing. If I do anything except my best impersonation of the Lincoln Memorial I’m doomed.

Lately he has been giving raspberries to show his displeasure. When I violate protocol in any way he lets loose with “ppsbppsssbbst!”. That’s only because he hasn’t learned how to flip me the bird. I think that’s part of next year’s competition.