Paper Napkin

Alrighty then, here's the second installation.

Here's the first installation. Here's what the hell I'm talking about.

Blue Poppy asks: 1. Why are you so hard on yourself? 2. How did you get to be so funny? 3. Have you ever thought about writing a book? If yes, what kind of book would it be?

1. I honestly don't think I'm hard on myself. Hmm, let me pause to think.

Okay, I have tried to recollect times when people said I was being hard on myself, and I just searched my blog for the phrase "hard on yourself" and read the entries where people think I'm being hard on myself. (What can I say, I believe in research.)

Near as I can tell, recalling those times, reading those entries, remembering what I felt at the time, and viewing all of it through that lovely diffuser-lens called time, I would say I am hard on myself because I believe that the rest of the world is out performing me, that everyone else meets a higher standard, that I'm left in the dust. I think this stems from my wacked-out childhood where it was absolutely imperative for me to appear FINE and NORMAL, but I just plum didn't know what fine or normal was, and now I have a wee bit of an obsession about normalcy which, although I can poo-poo it intellectually, I just don't seem to be able to let go of it.

In addition, the times I'm hard on myself, I'm also feeling a lot of despair, and I think my brain does a little two-step which goes like this: if my thumb hurts I look for a splinter, if I feel nauseous it's probably something I ate, if my tooth aches I may have a cavity, ergo, if I'm depressed there must be something wrong with me. I know it's not true-- depression isn't a deficiency in my personality, it's a deficiency in my brain chemistry, but that's the best sense my diseased brain can make of my disease. Like when scientists used to think that fruit flies were spontaneously generated from fruit. It wasn't true, but it sorta made sense.

Or I'm just too introspective, and no good can come of that, missy.

2. I'm funny because I come from a very, very funny family. Also, thank you.

3. I have thought of writing a book. I think I would like to write a book. I think I would like to write the great American novel. If only thinking made it so. Really, I would like to write a book someday. A not-crappy book with interesting characters, and a riveting plot. I haven't quite figured out how to do that yet. One obstacle seems to be I can't think of a beginning. You wouldn't think beginnings would be so hard to come by, but they just don't make 'em like they used to. I think all the good beginnings are being outsourced to Indonesia. The other main obstacle is that I can't think of a plot. I haven't got a plot to piss in. So perhaps, since I can't think of a beginning or a plot, I should start in the middle, with a couple of characters and some good dialogue. Yes, someday I shall do that. I have published a few short stories, so I'm working my way up the literary ladder.

Blythe asks: 1) Do you have any strained relationships you'd like to patch up right now? What's your M.O. in these situations? 2) What's the most unusual thing that turns you on? 3) In what ways are you most likely to be judgmental toward others?

I don't have any strained relationships at the moment. I'm pretty good at resolving conflicts, and I like things to be resolved. My MO for resolution is different in different situations, but the approach is the same: I try to look at things objectively, if I can.

If I'm in an argument with somebody, I'm a fair fighter. I stay focused on the issue, meaning I don't attack the person, and I don't bring up stuff from the past or other crap that's bugging me, I just go after that particular problem.

If someone is just a general ass, but I still have to be around that person, (like a relative or somebody at work) I view that person as if they have an illness, as if they're allergic to being a decent human being. I look at all their actions through that lens. Then whatever offensive thing they say or do, I tend to be much less offended because "they can't help it, they have assititus." This may sound weird, but it works. It may sound like I'm letting people off for bad behavior, which I kind of am, but I'm not going to poison myself with festering resentments, or invest time confronting people like that, or try "working" on our "relationship." Trying to mend relationships like that is a one-way ticket to Nowhereville. With my method, I can write them off, but still be civil to them by keeping them in a neutral position in my head. Sort of like Glinda the good witch when she tells the wicked witch of the West, "You have no power here."

The most difficult kind of relationship problems I have now are with my husband. We've been together 20 years, and as you might imagine, there are certain things we continue to bump up against, and if we haven't solved them by now, chances are they ain't gonna be solved. Fortunately, there aren't too many of these issues, four to be exact. Unfortunately, they're not little things. What I try to do, is not take it personally. I tell myself that it's not about me, it doesn't mean he doesn't love me, it just means he's not going to love me in this particular way I prefer to be loved. Bastard. (Hee, see what I did there, that's levity.) And I have defects like that too. Things he'd really wish I would do, or not do, and theoretically I can see his point of view, but chances are, as much as I love him, I'm probably not going to transform myself, or my behavior in those particular areas. When those things flare up, I try to practice acceptance the best I can, which sometimes is in a very pouty, self pitying, martyred way, and on those particular days I'm a joy to live with.

2. Not having any children in our bed, that would be unusual indeed. Seriously though, hmm, nothing too unusual, I'm not really kinky or anything. Probably the thing that turns me on the most are small thoughtful and/or affectionate gestures throughout the day. My pump takes a lot of priming.

3. I'm likely to be judgmental of others if they're too persnickety, or if they come to a conclusion without getting the facts first. I'll have no truck with that.

Savia asks: What's the one book you think everyone should read, and why? Since I don't know everybody, and haven't read every book, I couldn't begin to say. A completely engrossing one, I suppose. I think the dull ones should be avoided, or used under the legs of wobbly tables. Sorry for the lame answer! But! I will tell you some of the books I've loved, in chronological order.

Ages 1-9 Lucky Mrs. Ticklefeather, Cousin Matilda and the Foolish Wolf, Are You My Mother, Finn Family Moomintrolls, Soup and Me, Wispy The Littlest Witch

Ages 10-19 Wrinkle In Time trilogy, The Secret Garden, Ann of Green Gables 1-5, The Phantom Tollbooth, Where The Red Fern Grows, The Princess Bride, Animal Farm, Travels with Charley, To Kill A Mockingbird, This Perfect Day

Ages 20-29 Ender's Game, Ironweed, Ways Of Seeing, The Dead and the Living, Under Stars, Babbit, The Road Less Traveled, Death of a Salesman, Lemon Sky, Candide, Mother Courage and Her Children, Arms and the Man

Ages 30-41 The Mortification of Sin, The Hobbit, The Endurance, Martin Luther's commentary on Galatians, Angela's Ashes, The Last Lion, The House of Mirth, Harry Potter 1-7

Mission Accomplished

So 100% honest day went very well, although it was kind of exhausting trying to concentrate on everything I said to make sure it was 100% honest. At first I was in a major panic, hyperventilating at the prospect, but surprisingly, I didn't run into any situations where I wanted to stretch the truth, or make myself appear in a more favorable light. Maybe I'm more forthright than I think I am.

Anyway, onto your questions!

Erin wants to know: Have you ever shop-lifted? And in a related question, who are you leaning toward in the November election? Loaded question, yes?

Nah, not really. Yes I have shop-lifted, about six times I'm sorry to say. Supposedly shop-lifters steal for the thrill, but I stole because I wanted the thing I stole. Of course now I can't remember what it is I wanted so badly, except a pink happy-face key ring, and some sour-apple bubble gum.

I honestly don't know who I'm voting for. I get so irritated with the media because they seem to cover everything but how thecandidates plan to run the country, mostly focusing on their blunders and foibles. Even on the candidates' websites sometimes I can't ferret out the nitty-gritty from the rhetoric. So you have to sort of delve to get info, and I haven't done sufficient delving yet.

If you want to know who I like better, I can tell you I like Barack Obama much, much better. And I was a fan long before he ran for president. The guy is just so smart, and inspiring, and so reasonable. That's the thing I like best. He seems like the kind of guy who could keep a level head, and a civil tone even if he totally disagreed with what you were saying. That my friends, makes me absolutely giddy with delight. And I think he will win the election.

However, I don't want to get carried away and vote for somebody solely because I like their style. After all, I voted for Bush was because I felt Clinton never made a decision unless he checked the polls first to make sure we'd still like him. I was sick of that, and Gore just seemed so vice-presidential. I wanted a candidate who would do what he thought was right no matter what anyone else thought. Sure enough George W was The Decider, and decided us right back into the dark ages. So I can't vote based on personality.

My respect for John McCain was also formed before he threw his hat in the ring, especially after reading The Nightingale's Song, and I like a lot of the things he's done in the Senate. I just deleted a long diatribe about my politics, which I can go into if you like, but this answer is already too long. Suffice it to say I'm liberal in some ways, conservative in others. I believe in offending everyone equally.

Carolee asks: If we were meeting at a party, what are the three things you would want to make sure I knew about you, and what are the three things you would make sure I never found out?

1. I love people's stories, the important ones and insignificant ones. The fine details of people's lives are invaluable to me.

2. Keen writing and thinking so stir my heart, it literally aches when I encounter them. 

3. I'm funny, and I like funny people.

The second part of  this question had me quaking in my boots. But then I realized, I don't think there's anything I'd never want you to find out, as long as it was In Context. Context is my patron saint. But there are a few things I'd probably want to hold off on telling you for as long as possible.

1. In fourth grade I mercilessly teased my classmate, Jackie, for no good reason, other than nobody liked her. I actually didn't even dislike her that much, I mostly felt sorry for her. Especially after I was through with her. Ouch.

2. We have a bit of mental illness swirling around here. Aaron's maladies aren't really mine to share, but I have bouts of intermittent depression. I didn't think that would be something I'd want to cover up, until the other day when I was at an all-day seminar and mentioned to the person sitting next to me that I needed to go home during the break because I'd forgotten to take my medicine, and she asked "medicine for what?" and I said diabetes! Geez Louise.

2a. Tangentially, I sometimes say I'm fine when I'm not. I wouldn't want you to know that because it's such a outmoded tic to have. I mean it's so 80's, so pre-Codependant No More to say you're fine when you're not. Couldn't I have a defense mechanism that was up with the times?

3. I have a blog. That I would probably never tell you.

Dana: OK clear pool of Sheryl, what lies beneath your calm waters? What rocks? What skittering, frantic creatures? Be as specific or as vague as you want ~ just be 100% honest. And, what boat would you create to lift you from the pool, to guide you over it to safe passage?

The first is question is hard for me because I live on the island of Specifics. Nebulous is that ocean out there that's too big for me to wade into. But Iet's see what I've got at the top of my head.

I know the lyrics to every musical written before 1985. I usually don't wash my hands unless I'm about to cook or put on make-up . If I make a promise, I follow through no matter what. I rarely make a promise. I often dream about banal things like going to get the mail, and finding letters in the mail box.  I almost never listen to music. My ophthalmologist told me I have a "blonde eye" and should never go outside without sunglasses. I know nothing about New York City, plants, birds, or remodeling houses, but I wish I knew a lot about them. I know a lot about Irish history, major religions, raising children, and dogs. I don't like Charles Dickens, Walt Whitman, watching TV, babies, small talk, or exercise. I like hugs, anything citrus scented, ice cream, sky, children, and playing in the water. I like order, but I'm not orderly. I'm fearful, but not worried. I love enthusiasm, but I'm also embarrassed by it.

As for the boat that never fails to lead me to safe passage, that would be the S.S. Jesus. I practically never write about being a Christian on this blog because Christianity is so widely, wearingly, head-shakingly misunderstood. Trying to slog through the morass of misconceptions seems too overwhelming. Also because I'm not exactly a poster child for Jesus. I'm the bumbling, groping, clueless child of Jesus. I'm the Inspector Clouseau of Christianity. But I have been carried over on The Jesus Boat countless times. No matter how the tempest batters me, I'm carried over.

Slynne asks: What did you want to be when you were little and why? Also, what would you be like if you had actually been that?

When I was little (well, I still am under five feet) I wanted to be a puppy or a witch. Of course if I was a witch, I could've turned myself into a puppy, so there's that.

I think either course would've made me resplendently happy, provided I had a loving owner, and I didn't live in Massachusetts in the 1600s. If I had grown up to be a puppy I would've been a Springer Spaniel named Bill. I would've done a lot of bird hunting in New England, and a lot of lying by the fire with a good bone. If I'd become a witch, I would've taught at Hogwarts, and married George Weasley.

AllAdither wants to know: Why did you take such a long hiatus from blogging? Are you sad that your ads went away? If no, why not? Why did you come back to blogging (I'm glad you did, by the way)?

I took a long hiatus from blogging because I needed to extricate myself. I had run out of things to say, but the blog felt like an obligation. I was spending too much time on the internet, and wanted to cut waaay back. Blogging felt like being inside on a sunny day.

My ads didn't go away, I sent them away. I don't have a problem with ads on blogs, but I don't want them on my blog. You are my friends, and business and friendship just don't mix in my world. I greatly admire those who network, and gladhand, and feel comfortable doing it. I don't. I could probably be a much more popular blogger if I would promote myself, if I would ever-so-slightly tweak my writing persona, if I would brand myself. I think that is a valid approach to blogging, I wish I could do it, but it's just not me. To me that part of blogging is crazy-making, it feels like the Ziegfeld Follies, and I'm not cut out to be a Ziegfeld girl.

I came back to blogging because I've been blogging for four years, so it's a part of me. I missed it, and you. 

...More later peeps, I've gotta jam.

If they're white and little, why are they so darn hard to stamp out?

Dana over at My Gorgeous Somewhere (formerly of Sprigs and Sublimation) asks, "Wouldn’t it be great to be so self-assured that I could just be 100% honest with people?"  So she has declared today 100% honest day!

Perfect, 90% of Blogdom is at Blogher, so there's practically no risk!

I feel a deep yearning to be an honest person. Not just to tell the truth, but to be who I am. To be a clear pool of Sheryl, so when you look at my surface, you get a glimpse of the deep-down of me. The word sincere comes from the Latin sine 'without' and cera 'wax'. Back in the day when Rome loomed large, and people wore laurel wreaths, and minced about hailing this or that caesar, artisans working with marble would often cover the imperfections of their sculptures with wax. So I guess being sincere means, Here I am, warts and all. Honest, in other words.

But I have a problem with warts. (As evidenced by exhibits A and B.)

Well, not your warts. Your warts are charming!  You have very charismatic warts. But my warts must never be seen. I take a nightly moonlight bath in Compound-W to make sure none of my warts ever see the light of day. I must make sure I never overstay my welcome, blow my own horn, push my luck, say too much, run amok, step on toes, sew my oats, or end with a preposition. And really the only way I can comply with all those mandates is to be dead, or take a lot of naps. Perhaps I'd like my epitaph to read, "Here lies Sheryl, same as she ever was."

Of course the source of all this ridiculousness is my XL ego, woven with the finest pashmina, full of holes, and fraying at the edges from overuse. Fear is the warp, and I'm not sure what the weft is... desire, if you're Buddhist, I guess. I'm Presbyterian, so maybe Bingo? Stale donuts? No, let's go with desire.

But truly, 100% truly, I long to engage in the messy, exuberant flatulence of being human. So today, I vow to be 100% honest, both in my real life dealings, and here on this blog. You, my dear readers, may ask me anything (anything!), and I will give you the unedited, uncut, keepin' it real version. Upping the ante, I will live-blog (in the extended entry) all of the lies I felt compelled to tell today (but didn't!), that would have allowed me to appear more acceptable in some way, shape, or form. Side effects of honesty may include insomnia, nausea, vomiting, headaches, heartburn, hair loss, diarrhea, lifting my shirt and showing my boobies, or shouting nee! at inappropriate times.

Leave a question in the comments, and I will answer in the next post.

I missed you

Alright, I confess not only have I not been writing on my blog, I haven't been reading any blogs either. It's not that I haven't wanted to, I've missed some of you terribly, but life has taken a different tack, and the current carried me away. (See how I deftly skirted responsibility there? It was the current, what could I do?) But this morning I decided to sign up for Google reader. I wrote down all the bloggers who've been on my mind lately, and subscribed to all of them (except Mimi and bluepoppy, who don't have feeds). There are 30, in case your wondering. I long ago abandoned bloglines, but grew tired of checking to see who had written and who hadn't, so I'm giving Google a try. It's taking over the planet anyway, so the sooner I surrender to the Geek Conglomerate, the better, that way I'm sure to have a higher rank in the army after the revolution. Tonight I read the 5 new posts that were waiting for me, and even commented on 3 of them. Look, it's the 4 horsemen of the Apocalypse riding this way! Life is busy, and ramping up even more so, but I promise to show up on your door step, and maybe even say hi.

Book Review

My blog is one stop on the Mother Talk book tour for Nick Ruth's The Dark Dreamweaver. I'll start with the good stuff first. This book has a lot of imagination, and creative ideas, in a genre that can be very cliched. It's also riddled with riddles, which I know the 'tween set loves. I can recommend this book to your 10-12 year old.

However, I have to say that Mr. Ruth needs a new editor. The writing is very choppy, and doesn't have much depth to it. A lot of "telling" and not much "showing," throughout, which is a complaint I often have with juvenile fiction. There's also a lot of back story that's shoved into a very few pages. I think a prequel would better serve the reader.

However, I said the same thing about Eragon too, a book which has done very well, so you can take my opinion with a grain of salt.

soup's on

This Week's Theme:
Alphabet
(click to enlarge)

3 roads diverged in a blogging wood...

Wow, even Mrs. Kennedy is now posting more frequently than I am. You have to be as good as mimi to post as infrequently as mimi, so I better get my fingers clicking over here.

*stares blankly at screen* Hmm, it seems I'm at a blogging impasse. I mean things have been happening, everyday happening, happening right along. I had part of my tooth break off, now I have to have a root canal and a crown, and I finished the last of the Harry Potter books. If that's not a plethora of material for blogging, I don't know what is. My muse must be on vacation.

See, there are essentially two circumstances in which I write here.

As I'm sure you know, Model A happens much more frequently.  So let's take a vote. Come on, it's the American way. When all else fails, poll people! If you don't vote, you're letting the terrorists win.

a) I'd like Sheryl to post several times a week about whatever happened that day. And even if she thinks it's total schlock, she should click publish anyway.

b) I'd like Sheryl to post only when she's walking down the hall, and smacks head first in to an Idea. Even if that only happens on a semi-annual basis.

c) I'd like Sheryl to post about what she's doing, ie: craft projects, house projects, activities with the kids, and post pictures.

You can vote for more than one. I'd be happy with any of these, so only vote for what you want, it's all about you, baby.

Cheers

Hi there. I thought about posting this week, but I didn't, because what I really want to talk about is how I'm going to rearrange my kitchen, and I thought the combination of excitement, and summer heat might land you in the hospital. But since it's Friday, and I don't want to regale you with my festival of housecleaning, I'll give away a prize instead.

Summer is here, and that means parties, and get-togethers and what-not, so you'll need hostess gifts, yes? We were selling these at work a while back, they're note cards, and coasters, and wine glass charms, and wine corks.

Aren't they cute? And they match! Things that match give me a little zap of happiness. I thought it would be a great idea to package these together and sell them online as hostess gifts. So I bought about a bazillion of them, and then I realized, hey, I'm paying retail, by the time I mail these, I'm not going to make any money off of them, unless I charge, like, 15 bucks. So that idea went out the window. So I'll give one away, instead.

I'll randomly pick a winner. Leave a message in the comments telling me... something. Like... what I should read this summer. Or the last thing that made you giggle uncontrollably, or (taking a page from Meg) the one thing someone could do for for you today that would make your day 1000 times better. Have a good weekend.

Aaaugh!

Just when I get my blog reading down to a nice manageable number (under 20), and I'm in the habit of only reading them on Monday and Thursday (mostly), Mrs. Kennedy goes and gets me hooked on Twitter. Kill me now.

Also, add me as a friend.

Okay, never mind, not a sticky post.

I have a weight loss/health blog which I've neglected for some time. Sometimes a blog is a little one sided, especially if you don't allow comments, ha. I was thinking it would be fun to have a place to hang out with other bloggers I know, to discuss healthy habits, to check in, say hi, and see how others are progressing. So I started a message board over at Bravenet. If anyone is interested in joining, leave me a comment or email me, and I'll send you the url.

Hope you're having a happy new year, so far. I'm extending my leave of absence for a bit longer. Possibly all of January, I'm not sure. Best wishes to you all.

It's the Third Annual Blogging Hiatus

Starring: me! Yes, it's that time once again where I cover the blog with sheets, and set out the mouse traps. I'll be back in January. (I've been staring at my monitor for nigh on two minutes, wondering what to say next. That's why I take a break at this time every year. Also I tend to be weepy and nuts in December, and I like to spare you the drama. If only I could spare my family. Although this year is better than years past. Well, I can't stay huddled in the warmth of these parentheses forever, I'd better get back to the main point.)

De-lurking Week will be January 8-12 of the brand-spankin'-new year.  Although, I'm actually not participating this year, because I realized that I'm not really curious about who pops in here occasionally. What I want to know is, who my faithful readers are, and I assume those are the people who regularly comment anyway. Hopefully. On the other hand, if you read everything I write and never comment, I must assume that your fingers are stuck in several pair of finger cuffs, and you can only operate the mouse with your foot. In that case I'd like to say, thank you for your sacrificial loyalty, and push your fingers together.

Here are the two most popular buttons from previous years, and a new one ripped off from based on the movie poster for Alien. Can you tell that's a laptop in the egg? Feel free to post them on your own blog. I hope you have a very Merry Christmas, Hanukkah, Festivus or Alamalagueno, and a happy new year.

Ahh! Not Day 31

Let's relish the beauty of that empty space. I may relish it for several days.

Because Drawing! Counts As A Post!

This Week's Theme:
Clear
(click to enlarge)

Love Thursday

I used to love this dog. Now? Less so. I'm not proud of that. I don't want to be a fair weather pet owner, but I guess I am.

Love is agreeing to keep a dog* your children adore, even though she's been having diarrhea since May, due to The Worms That Will. Not. Die.

May, people.

If that ain't love, I don't know what is.

*I make no promises about the future of the dog, and how she may or may not mysteriously go to live somewhere else one day. What can I say? I'm a heartless bastard.

I was sure I had a partridge in a pear tree somewhere in here.

A few minutes ago I was trying to find a link for tomorrow's "mystery blog of the day," and read a couple of posts about purses, and their contents, and I remembered that I had never added my own purse to my In The Bag photo album. Since I can finally use my camera again, I thought it was about time I contributed to my own meme, so without further ado:

(click to enlarge) Beginning clockwise: The current book I'm reading (pretty good), cinnamon Altoids (the only palatable kind), my beautiful grey felt purse (which is not done justice here), my wallet, flowered tissue (because  snot should have something pretty to land on), a (gak) Strawberry Shortcake bandaid box (which also holds Tums, Advil, etc.), to-do list, playing cards, glasses cleaner,  concealer (which I've never used, but you never know when purple bags or a renegade zit may attack), chapstick, 3 mini Sharpies, 2 lipsticks, 2 Purells (a mom's best friend), 2 pens (apparently I need 2 of everything), lip gloss, 1 lone piece of Chex mix, 2 pay cheques (with the personal info blurred out, because the internet is loaded with freaks, but not you),  2 Aveeno lotions, and a church bulletin.

If you haven't sent your photo in to be a part of my collection, why not?! Come on, get cracking, I want it on my desk by nine o'clock sharp!

Day In The Life: September

Every month I think the Day In The Life meme has jumped the shark (actually I think the saying "jumped the shark" has jumped the shark) but then someone emails or comments asking about it, or posting their link. So I guess it's not ready to slip quietly into the meme morgue yet. If you're new to the Great Meme Of Self Absorption, and narcissistic enough to believe that people do care what you had for lunch, then go ahead! Jot down what you do all day and post it on the internet! Dare to be dull!

I'll be posting mine below the fold as the day goes on, so let me apoplogize to my feed readers who will have to see this post re-published a few times. Happy documenting to all, and to all a good (or at least interesting) day.

What I learned Friday: Kitchen Edition

• If you're out of soap for the dishwasher, don't use "just a little" laundry soap. Hello, Mt. Visudsius!


• After making pork roast in the crock pot, rinse it out, and put it in the dishwasher. Do not set aside the crock pot, only to load the dishes, and then realize the dishwasher is too full to fit the crock pot. Do not leave crock pot on the counter by the sink so you can load it "the next time," because the dishwasher may be too full next time, and by then you're a little scared to wash the crock pot. Do not then push the pot back, hoping it will wash itself, until 4 days later, when there is room in the dishwasher, but by then you're so terrified of tainting the sink with trichinosis and poisoning your family that you have to throw the entire crock pot away.

Cost for procrastination: $30. Not killing your family: priceless.

What do you think of the new layout?

I'm going to sit with it for a while, and see what I think. See the problem is, the mini-posts on my side bar require a wider column, or they look weird. But if my banner is going to be flush with my columns, it means I would have to redo all my banners, and since I don't have eleven million spare hours right now, there ain't no way. So this is a compromise.

__________

We were sitting at the table tonight, and in the middle of dinner, Will belched a tremendous belch.

"What do you say?" I asked.
"Thank you?" he said.

I've taught him so well.

L is for the way you look at me.

Oh! I can just get this one in under the wire. Karen has declared it Love Thursday. Post a picture on your blog that says love to you (baby), and then leave a comment on her site telling her you're participating, and go look at the pictures other people have posted.

Here's one of Aaron and me when we were first married. (You can click to enlarge, but it's not very good quality. Remember the days when they used film in cameras?) Hopefully right after this shot we had joint appointments at the hair salon. Ah, the love of the young and frizzy.

Because I'm Special.

Hey! The lovely women at Mommybloggers are featuring me. Isn't that nice of them? Here's the interview.

Day In The Life - August

5:30 - How is it possible that I thought I could greet the day at this hour? I must have been delusional. Turn off alarm.
6:00 - Haley comes into our room. She's peed her bed. Emily is already in our bed, so she and I move to Emily's bed to snuggle. Fall back to sleep.
6:30 - Haley has a bad dream, and  says she needs to watch TV to make it go away. Apparently my skills in the soothing department are sorely lacking. We get up, and I turn on the TV for her. I make the first attempt at waking Aaron. I feel woefully unprepared to meet the demands of this day. It's only 6:30, and I already feel overwhelmed. Why is being overwhelmed the recurring theme of my life? Why couldn't I have a different recurring theme, like having too many strappy sandals? Or finding twenty dollar bills in the gutter. I know working moms have it tough, but today I would like to put on a skirt, and leave it all behind, to frolic in the land of kudos and conversation.

The first sign: I can't open the pickle jar.

This Week's Theme:
Aging
(click to enlarge)

Day in the Life - July

Okay, here was my day today. Should we do this next month, or has this jumped the shark? (Of course, I'm asking the people who liked this meme to begin with, not the ones who thought it was dull as dirt all along.) Leave a link to your post in the comments, and I'll link you on my sidebar tomorrow. 'Night.

Question For The Ages

Hello, I'm back from Pretty Much Mostly Turn Off Your Computer A Good Part Of The Week. I'm really so not in the mood to write. So instead I will give stuff away.

Let's talk about licorice. Not the black stuff, I prefer my licorice without licorice. Black licorice is kinda yucky. I might like it, if it wasn't marketed as a candy, but I've eaten candy, and Licorice, you're no candy.

Lately I've been a little home sick for the West. Even though I love it here in Ohio, there are things I miss about the West. Like Red Vines. Do you know what they try to pass off as Red Vines here in the East? Twizzlers. Who are they trying to kid? I didn't just fall off the turnip truck yesterday, I know licorice when I eat it, and Twizzlers, you're no licorice. Listen Mr. Hershey, you just stick to making chocolate and creating a self-perpetuating little utopia of capitalism and charity, and leave the licorice to the big boys.

So I open the floor to you: Red Vines or Twizzlers? Or maybe you prefer the Canadian Y&S Pipes, or the Finnish Panda. Leave me a treatise on the best licorice in the comments, and I'll send the winner the licorice of their choice.

Like Macarthur to the Philippines

June 26-July 2 is turn off your computer week, and after that is Independence Day, here in the states (and also Aaron's and my 15th wedding anniversary). So I'm pulling the plug, so to speak. If I'm making you a banner, don't worry, I'm still going to work on those, and check my email. After all I'm only human, they can't expect me to cut myself off completely from the know world!

I'll be back on July 6th, in time for This Day in the Life. If you haven't participated in Day in the Life, I encourage you to do it.  Lynn Over at Sprigs participated this month, and did a bang up job. She did it later in the month, which is fine, there's no urgent deadline.

You may think that your day is boring, and no one wants to read that you spilled salmon salad on your shirt at lunch, but as I commented to Lynn, within the framework of a blog, a running list of the day's events gives a different kind of insight than a more conventional post. I always like to see the human part of humans, it helps me feel more connected to them, and to myself. And if there's one thing bloggers need, it's, you know, more self absorption.

And look! Here's a button! For you!  To right-click, and save, and put on your site! If you participate, leave a comment with a link (a permanent link to the post, not just a link to your blog), and I'll post a list of participants on my sidebar.

I wish I could do it justice

This Week's Theme:
Rain
(click to enlarge)

In New Mexico the air is arid,  the sweep of the land wide. Most streaks of rain never touch the ground. You stand, dry on the rise of the highway, and you can't take your eyes off that threshold of wet light.

This Day #4

Those of you who thought This Day in my Life was on the 6th, are right. I always post it on the 6th, but I'm posting the events of the 5th. Either way, it doesn't matter how you do it. So without further ado, here's today:

What's So Bad About Moss?

Hi! Happy June! I wish my period would get here. Seriously, how much do I hate being a victim of my hormones? Very. How much do others hate being a victim of my hormones? They're too scared to say.

So the poor little dudes took a beating in Tuesday's comments, but lo, it is Thursday, and verily, I will make all things right, because today I'm giving away free stuff! Because 1) I don't know and 2) it's my new first-of the-month tradition.

This month I am giving away a 1 year subscription to Rolling Stone magazine. That's 26 issues, delivered to your mailbox (not by me, by a uniformed person, because I don't love you that much).

What's the catch? No catch, but there are some conditions.

1)You have to live in the US. I promise future freebies will be shipped world wide, but not this one.

2)Today's give-away: for men only. But! If you are of the bewombed variety of person (or, if you've had a hysterectomy, the de-wombed variety) you can still play along, if you promise to give this to a man you like, or even a man you dislike.

So leave a comment. Tell me the last good book you read (me: Consider The Lobster), or tell me what the worst smell in the world is (me: it's a toss up between oil refinery and vitamin B tablets), or just tell me how you're doing (me: you don't want to know).

I will randomly pick a winner at 10:00 EST (after CSI and before bed), and announce said winner below.

Gift Recipient

Okay, I'm closing comments a little early because CSI is a rerun, and I have a splitting headache. Again, I'd just like to apologize to any of my wonderful male readers who felt dissed in on Tuesday. It's never the intention of Paper Napkin, it's parent companies, subsidiaries, or distant cousins to marganilize any segment of society, except maybe people who wear Ugg Boots, or people who like Wil Wheaton's blog. Our winner this evening is mochamomma's 14 year old son. So Mocha, send me your addy, and I'll send him the goods. Merry Thursday to all, and to all a good night.

There is no "I" in m-e-m-e

From California Fever, the A-Z meme:

accent:  American

booze:  An occasional glass of cabernet, or a Zima with marachino cherries, but 90% of the time nothing-- alcohol almost always gives me a headache, and I can tell by the smell whether it will or not.

chore I hate:  Bills, Mt. St. Laundry.

dogs/cats: I love both, but just have a dog right now. Aaron's not really a pet person, although we had cats for years, but when they passed on, he didn't want any more.

essential electronics:  Computer, digital camera, DVD player. No cell phone, PDA, or i-Pod. What can I say, I'm low-tech.

favorite perfume/cologne: I usually don't wear anything. I used to love Champagne, but it was taken off the market. Now I wear Shiseido.

gold/silver:  Silver, but besides my wedding ring, I only wear earrings.

hometown:  Albuquerque, NM "Land of Enchantment." And how.

insomnia: Sometimes. I don't fight it, I just get up.

job title: Not presently employed

kids:  3: 2 girls, 1boy, 0 more

living arrangements:  Single storey home in the sticks.

most admired trait: I'm fair, reasonable, and level headed. Which comes in handy if you need a place to set your drink.

number of sexual partners:  Nosey, aren't we?

overnight hospital stays:  3, one for each kid.

phobia:  driving in bad weather, something bad happening to my kids

quote: "Walt loved to hunt mushrooms, work in his garden, play euchre, and cook for his family." ~The Waukon Iowa Standard

religion:  Christian - Presbyterian

siblings:  1 half-sister 8 years older.

time I usually wake up:  Five-it's-morning-already?-thirty

unusual talent: I can read a book upside down, backwards, or sideways. (One of the advantages of being dyslexic, I have limber decoding skills)

vegetable I refuse to eat:  Beets. Let us never speak of them again.

worst habit: I'm lazy. (Lazy, lazy, lazy Jane, wants a drink of water, so she waits for it to rain.)

x-rays: How do you think I discovered I have no skeletal structure?

yummy foods I make:  You name it, I can make a yummy one.

zodiac sign:  Taurus (Whatever that means.)

Internet I Wish I Could Quit You

I started a ramblin' post this morning about how I have a hankerin' to hang up my bloggin' boots (wow, I had no idea pseudo-cowboy lingo could be so instantly nauseating. Just add water, and puke!) and then I thought, you know, I'm nothing if not cyclical. I bet I felt like this last year about this time too. So you can read all about how I'm feeling, without the effort of me typing it all over again, whee!  In about two weeks I should post something really funny, followed by stress about money, and sometime toward the end of June I'll have a rotten day and post drunk! And lest you think my life is one big re-run, we're not moving or taking a vacation this July so I'll be skipping that brief bout of stress-induced depression, and a run in with vacation guilt. Yes sir, the summer is wide open, personally I can't wait to see what zany hijinks are coming up next!

The internet, especially blogging, is the weirdest phenomenon. Honestly even after 2 years of blogging, I can't quite get my mind around it. Did you listen to This American Life last week? If not, you simply must listen to "act two" of last week's show "How We Talked Back Then" about what a circus side-show the internet is. (It's episode 312, they don't have permanent links for individual shows.) I felt so odd after listening to it, because essentially I think face to face communities are much healthier, but then there's always the story of the agoraphobic,  or serendipitous friendship which makes me think faceless interfacing has its merits. I can't espouse unplugging my modem because we should all be interacting face to face, anymore than I can say television is bad because we should all be sitting around the fire whittling sticks and telling stories. I guess what I feel is akin to what a lot of people felt when the phone came along. It changed communities. It served to connect people, and to isolate them more. I guess I'm a Luddite at heart. (Can you believe I once wrote a paper on the evils of the telephone? *eyeroll* I had a very anti-technology-crunchy-lesbian American Studies teacher, who I had a crush on, so that's my excuse.) One aspect that has no drawback is all the information out there. Odds are if you want to know something, you can find it on the net. (Wow, that is a sentence of astounding genius! How can I improve on that?)

Quick Pop In

Hi! Yes, I know I said I was going on hiatus until next week, but I have to take care of a couple of things. First Julie reminded me that it's once again time for This Day In The Life. So either today, or tomorrow write down what you did all day, and link back here. Honestly dudes, I'm not sure I'm going to participate this month, because 1) I'm may be too busy to jot down the details of my day, since I'll be getting ready for, and then having Emily's birthday party, and 2) I have a headache the size of Iowa and when I'm not making party preparations, I'll be drinking water and/or holding my head and moaning. But don't let that stop you, leave a link in the comments, so that people can read about your day.

Also, I remembered that I'm today's stop on the virtual book tour for Why Babies Do That by Jennifer Margulis, an editor at Literary Mama, and mother of three.

Why Babies Do That would be a great baby shower gift for any mother who's expecting her first child. It's small, and has a durable hard cover, which may seem like prosaic details to mention, but let's face it, when you're a new mom stuffing your diaper bag to the gills with every conceivable thing you might need for that long and arduous journey to Target, size matters. Each entry is only a page long-- perfect, since when you have a newborn the longest snippet of time you have is while sitting on the toilet, praying your stool softener kicks in. Accompanying each page is a beautiful color photo of a baby, which is why Why Babies Do That also makes a great book for babies, because we all know babies love pictures of other babies.

Okay, enough with the layout, you say, what about the content? Why Babies Do That isn't a "how to" book, and it isn't filled with checklists on baby's development, which was a relief to me since most books like "What To Expect The First Year" should be subtitled "Or Why You Should Freak Out Because Little Johnny Hasn't Reached Half The Milestones He's Supposed To." It is a book which will help reassure mothers that the weird things babies do, like shriek at strangers or "flail their arms and legs like miniature kick boxers" are normal, and it thoroughly explains the reasons babies sometimes engage in such mysterious behaviour.  Some topics covered in the book include why babies drool, why babies love to boogie, and why some babies say "Da Da" before they say "Ma Ma." It would also make an excellent resource for an older sibling. Why Babies Do That is informative and educational, but it's entertaining and humorous too. Best of all it will give new moms the precious commodity of peace of mind. When I had my first child, I would have gladly plunked down some greenbacks for a little more of that.

Homogeny is great, if you're a glass of milk.

Sour grapes. Sorry to start a post with a cliche about fruit. There are things happening in the blogosphere. People will be convening, writing for pay, getting their name in marquee lights, and I didn't sign up, apply, or otherwise solicit, even though there will be either popularity or money attached, because all that blah-dee-blah just isn't my cup of tea.

I'm not part of "the new breed of 'go to' moms who are constantly looking to be ahead of the curve and 'in the know' on the newest innovations, hippest trends and research breakthroughs." I couldn't be like that even if I wanted to, which I don't, and those aren't the kind of sites/events I frequent. I don't want to read a poll about what moms really want for Mothers Day. I don't want to read an article about the conflicting views between working and stay-at-home moms. (What? there's conflict between these two groups?! Shocking!)  I don't want to read a product review on the pacifier drier, because unless there was visible muck I never washed them anyway. I don't want to spend two days in seminars about blogging--is there really that much to say about it?

But then tiny needles of jealousy prickle my insides because other people are going to meet and greet, and pocket pay and perks. So yes, I make no sense. But besides jealously eyeing the jocks and cheerleaders as they smoke in the concourse, even though I hate cigarettes, there's something else that bothers me about all this. I can't quite put my finger on it. Maybe it's that it all seems so... monocultural. I liked the blogosphere (god I hate that word) when she was quirky had idiosyncrasies. Now she just seems slick and corporate. Okay, not totally, but a little less authentic and endearing. Gah, why have I've even devoted 3 paragraphs to a topic like this?! Maybe I need an internet sabatical. I'll catch you all next week.

Day In The Life #3

Welcome to round three of This Day In the Life. I'm so glad to see a bunch of you participate! Kris, Amanda, Dana, Jenn, Karin, Sarah, Margalit, Grechen, Layla, and  Elee have, or will have posts up soon. If you visit, and enjoy the posts, be sure to leave a comment. A person can feel a little self-indulgent posting a running log of their day on the internet (or at least I do). If you want to add your today it's not too late, just leave a comment and I'll add your link. Or you can join us next month. And now, without further ado, because there is a serious thunder storm here, and I don't want to fry my PC, I give you-- Yesterday.

Hi!

I haven't posted all week, and now I'm going to be dull! Whee, aren't you glad you stopped by?!

Last week I was approached about selling ad space on this here blog by Federated Media. I hadn't heard of them or of founder John Battelle. Apparently I've been living under a rock, because he's co-founder of Wired Magazine, and the brains behind Boing Boing. Yeah, I've heard a little something about those.

Signing on with Federated Media means ads on the side bar (I'm going to change my template to a three columns with the ads on the left), but it also means improving the quality of this blog. FM is author driven, and puts a lot of thought and effort into supporting authors. I have control over the size and content of the ads, and I also have access to tech support, and not just for the ad software. If I want to switch to Movable Type, or tweak the look of things, they'll help me with that kind of stuff too. 

Another thing I think will improve my blogging is FM's set of mores, to which their authors subscribe. While they don't try to influence or oversee content, they do want quality blogs. One of the guidelines is "engagement with its community,"  and even though it's not mandated, I'm going to try to respond to more of your comments. I noticed even Dooce, who is also on board, has added comments back into some of her posts, and I wonder if that's one of the reasons. (You know who's really good about responding to comments? Chris. Ever single bloomin' one of them. I bow to his greatness.) I mean, we all love it when our comments are acknowledged, right?

Up until now FM has focused on tech sites, and creating a technical "federation". Now they're expanding to create "federations" of parenting, media, and small business bloggers. So in keeping up with what's going on within the company I'll be reading a wider variety of blogs. I never read tech blogs, so it'll be a new part of the internet to explore. That's bound to positively effect my blogging, since a wider frame of reference can only be good.

And the whipped cream on the sundae? FM highlights excerpts from authors on "category blogs."  (That's a link to the tech blogs, the parenting one hasn't launched yet.) A category blog not only coheres the authors, it also gives lesser known bloggers like me wider exposure, because they're posted right up there with the big boys. Let me just say a resounding YIPPEE! (Cue confetti and balloons.)

Finally I'll donate 50% of my profit to charity. Each month I'll pick a different charity, and highlight it in a post. (If you have any charities you're fond of, leave a comment, and I'll check them out.) So those of you who loathe ads? Just by clicking through, you'll be helping someone. How do you like them apples?

You've got questions, and I've got answers. Not very interesting answers, but answers.

Pam wants to know what happened to the Damn Good Sentence Contest. Also known as the Wednesday Sentence Smackdown, it jumped the shark. Just like the Haiku Smackdown, it was a hilarious and raucous affair, and then it wasn't. The lovely and talented Martha held court, and you can read all about it, right here. Maybe I should host an honorary Sentence Smackdown en memorial.

Lalyabean asks: What are the first five things (besides paying bills) you would do with $10 million?

Fortunately, thanks to my parents, I don't have to worry about setting aside funds for my kids' college, with that out of the way, I'd:
1. Redo the back patio, and hire a decorator to redo my house. Do you know I have NO wall hangings in my house? Not one. When we were moving, our garage flooded, and all of our paintings etc. were ruined.
2. While our house was being redone, we'd take a trip to Ireland, and if I loved it as much as I think I would, buy a house there.
3. Sometimes I read news, or blogs about people who really need something. Like their child needs a 3rd liver transplant, and they've topped out their insurance. I'd set aside some money to help in those kinds of situations.
4. Sometimes friends, on or off the net, don't need something, but a certain something would bless them. Like a new computer, or a trip to the states, and I'd like to play fairy godmother.
5. Set some aside for retirement, and more travel.

Dana wants to know who won the gummi rats. I put all the names in an envelope, and Emily drew Sabrina's name. Sabrina! Don't forget to send me your addy.

Liz wants to know how the job hunting is coming. Well...we're figuring out what our options are.  I think Will would hate full time day care, he hates going twice a week for 3 hours! And although he might get used to it, that's a big "might" so we've pretty much kicked that idea to the curb. Now I'm thinking about part time work, or maybe a night job teaching, which I don't know HOW I would pull off because I am not not NOT a night person, or some kind of work from home. Also Aaron is looking around for other jobs, because you would think that an electrical engineer makes a nice comfy living, but he works for the one company on the planet that pays crap wages. If he got a job with another firm we'd be set financially, although I'd still be bored at home.

Onyx wants to know 3 of my celebrity crushes

1. George Clooney. Is there any woman on the planet that could not lose herself  in that smile?
2. That guy from CSI
3. Simon Cowell  For those of you retching out there, all I can say is, I love his candor, his wit, and his accent, and think he'd be great in...you know, that thing you recline on (sorry I can't bring myself to say it).

Sandy asks what modern trend I abhor the most.

Without a doubt it's the preoccupation we have with expressing everylittlething about who we are. (Ha, I just realized the irony of a blogger writing that). I mean, it's okay up to a point (Tivo, and i-pods) but after a while it just gets ridiculous. There are special ring tones and daily horoscopes for our cellphones, tattoos and pubic hair design for our bodies, vanity plates and bumper stickers on our cars, etc., etc., ad nauseum. I'm not criticizing any of those things in particular, just the general trend to make sure that every square inch of our lives expresses who we are, because heaven forbid we might drive down the road and no one would know who we voted for in the last election! Geez, it takes us 20 minutes to order a cup of coffee, because it has to be juuuuust right!. We are the Goldilocks culture! Just pick a damn chair and sit in it already!

Okay! Apparently I have strong feelings on the subject.

Dana Lynn wants to know my feelings about monkeys. Well,  I'm unclear about what qualifies as a monkey. Are baboons and apes monkeys? I don't think so, so let me confine my comments to the smaller breeds. I like the concept of monkeys. The hear no evil, speak no evil, see no evil little imps, the Curious-Georgian naughty little sprites that are always hiding in pizza trucks, or stealing people's bob-sleds. The chimps mugging for the camera dressed in business suits. But the actual animal, I have to say, I feel at once both afraid of, and irritated by, and I think they should stay in the jungle where they belong. Now if I wrote about women in the same vein, I'd be called a misogynist, so, though I've never thought of myself as one, I guess... I'm a monkey hater. *hangs head in shame*

AHE asks what baffles me. What doesn't baffle me would be a shorter list, but I'll pick one thing. Hmm...I would say my mom-guilt baffles me. Last night I was tired and Aaron was working late, and I wanted to feed my children cereal for dinner, but I couldn't, because I would have been washed away by a tsunami of guilt. Yet, I feel only a little guilt if I feed them cereal for breakfast. There's no rhyme or reason to it, and I'm constantly berated by it. The guilt, she is a cruel mistress.

Mr. Fabulous asks "When at work, if you have to pee really bad but the bathroom is occupied, is it acceptable to urinate in your trashcan?"

First, thank your lucky stars you have a penis, because women don't have this kind of option. I would say peeing in your trash can is preferable to peeing in your pants. Although after you have done so, please get a huge wad of toilet paper and stuff it in the garbage, so that the janitor doesn't have to have to deal with a can full of pee, they're not paying him enough for that. Also, try cutting down on the coffee, mmkay?

Erika wants to know what's happening in my life that I don't blog about. You mean other than winning  the lottery? Well, there are lots of things I don't blog about. One thing right now is that my mom has cancer. Her 5th recurrence of cancer. She had a mastectomy when I was a teenager, and ten years later had a mastectomy on the other side. Since then she's had three minor recurrences, including this one. She's doing well, and will be 75 in a few days, and is never ever going to die, so pppbbbbssst to cancer!

My mother wants to know why I never call. Ha, Impostor! Seriously, I talk to my mom and dad at least 3 times a week; we're very close. So whoever you are you can't make me feel guilty nyah, nyah, nyah!

C wants to know what I dreamt? dreamed? nocturnal psychic emissions I had. I hardly ever remember my dreams, but last night I had three vivid dreams. (I'll make it brief.)

1. I  thought I had lice because I tried on a vintage hat in a very seedy resale store. I didn't have them, but I borrowed someone's comb to try to comb out any lice, and realized I was combing my hair with a lice infested comb. Ew.
2. I had ordered some marijuana online, and was tracking its shipment to my house, complete with a laminated map and little flag push-pins. Unfortunately the shipment kept getting lost and re-routed to Lincoln, Nebraska.
3. Scott was back online, and posted a cartoon strip which was immediately picked up for syndication, and was going to make him big money. Scott, do you draw?

Jessica wants to know one weird thing about me. About every 5 years I buy a new wedding ring. A cheap one, but people think it's real, because it's a "wedding" ring. Well, you asked!

Karma Bites

I swear I'm never being snarky about anyone's grammar ever again.  In that last post I used "it's" instead of "its," "your" instead of "you're," two of my verbs did not agree with my subjects, and Lord knows what else. Geez, every time I read it I find another error. I'm sure my RSS readers are sick of me republishing the thing four gazillion times, and I swear it was just for comedic effect. Mostly.

In other news I am having a really hard time moving through the world today. I know you're shocked since normally I navigate through the day with energy and aplomb. But one thing I do know, I have an hour without kids and I plan to get the hell out of this prison house, and do something! Even if it's just going to the pharmacy to pick up my prescription. Since the content of this post is even thinner than usual, why don't we make this Ask Me Anything Wednesday. Leave me a question in the comments, and I'll post the answer tomorrow.

This Day In March

Okay, I said I was going to do another this day in the life post, but now I'm wondering why anyone would want to read about my day.  Anyway, I said I would post it, but do I really want to do this every month? Sheesh, talk about self absorbed. Is there anyone out there who wants to join me? Maybe we could make it a monthly meme, I want to read about your day, no really! Well, here goes nothin...

Fiddlesticks

Yesterday I gave you a dead link to my Johari page. Would you, pretty please, pop over there and choose 5 words you think best describe me. (No, "self-absorbed" isn't an option, just a prerequisite for having a blog.)

Saturday

I've been reading This Day In The Life, which I found via Melissa who contributed a chapter. It's a compilation of entries, written by women from all walks of life, in which they record 24 hours in detail. I'm always intrigued this type of book. I love other people's stories, and I love to see how they live. I don't know how many people this kind of book appeals to, but there must be some interest, if they published a book. So I decided yesterday I would write and entry like this. So here it is, if you're one of those people who revels in the mundane.

What I Learned (Very Little) Friday

This blog may have jumped the shark. Maybe it's the Curse Of The Chia. Nevertheless, here's some extremely random whatnot. If you like you can leave me a question or topic. Or you can skip this post and play Chuzzle (their eyes follow the cursor-- freaky!).

• Adult glowworms are fireflies.
• When Mr. Cranky Pants has his mouth so full of food that he has to struggle to tell you "No!" it's funny.
• "Erupt" only has one r. A word with such force, really needs a double r, don't you think?
• If I leave my Minnie Mouse watch in my pants, and it goes through the washer, the face will rotate completely











giving me a crik in me neck every time I check the time.

• If you have so much iron in your well water that you're considering painting the bathroom rust, to match the shower, this stuff is a FRIGGIN MIRACLE!
• If I let my son stay up til 9:30 he will become very punch drunk.
• He laughs at everything when he's punch drunk.
• I prefer this to Mr. Cranky Pants.
• You can put egg shells down the garbage disposal, and why did I think this would burn the motor out?
• If you're wearing mittens you can't pick your nose.
• Laundry soap and hot water is the best thing to mop the floor with.
• When I do healthy things and take care of myself, I feel really good. When I treat myself like crap I feel like crap. That's today's astounding revelation.
• I've been concerned (read: grossed out) because even though I bathe my children every other day, they had a rather pungent body odor. So I asked Swami Google, why oh why, and Swami Google said it was the rBGH ridden milk I was giving them. 3 days later the BO was g-o-n-e. Organic milk is $7.50 a gallon, as opposed to the hormone juice that's $3.00 a gallon, but I have to choose health over economy, because yikes, if it's giving them B.O they might sprout three eyes next.

Post Nap

This Week's Theme:
Cats
(click to enlarge)

I wanted to capture the beautiful long lines of a cat, but I can't draw that well. So this is a photo that is painted over and Photoshopped to death. (Take note James Frey, see how easy it is?)