I woke up sad this morning. That is NOT good. Waking up sad means I'm transitioning from being sad to being depressed, and I'm here to tell you I CANNOT let that happen. Sadness is fine, I mean, I'd prefer happy, but sadness means I'm processing things, working through them, and bits of humor and joy can poke through. There's some life in sadness, it's manageable, the end is in sight, and I'll be there shortly. Depression? Is not like that. And I'm not going to describe what it IS like, because I can't write the description without going there, and I'm NOT going there. (Liz, I'll take that smack now.)
Look, self, you're doing the best you can. You put your kids back in school, and that's hardly the end of the world. You LOVE school, both as a teacher and as a student, remember? Having your own desk, and school supplies, writing on the board, going to the library, seeing your friends everyday, and your kids apparently love it too. They have nice teachers, they're going to get a good education. The tipping point of depression is the mental anguish that comes with wondering if you did the right thing, but there's just no knowing, because you took this path. You can't know about the path you didn't take. You make the best decision with the information available, that's all you can do. I know you miss them, but you'll adjust. Look on the bright side, you have all those hours of uninterrupted time that you've coveted, enjoy them, put them to good use.
Okay, sometimes these little pep-talks work. We'll see. The good news is there's a heat wave here, so today and tomorrow the schools are dismissing at noon. The humidity here is about 8000%, and I've never been so thankful for such a ridiculous heat index. Thank you God for global warming, because it means spending fewer hours away from my kids. Over the weekend cooler weather can arrive, and I'll try to get a grip come Monday.
Excellent pep talk! I hope it works for you. This sounds exactly like the pep talk I needed when I started sending mine to daycare. Just remember the "We did lots of fun things, I can tell you that right now." HA!!! Loved that.
Posted by: el-e-e | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 05:37 AM
"You make the best decision with the information available, that's all you can do." That's it exactly. You did the best you could for your kids. For your kids. Too many parents pick what's best for the parents, not the kids. Give yourself a pat on the back. You did good.
Posted by: Ellen | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 05:50 AM
"You make the best decision with the information available, that's all you can do."
You know, that actually makes me feel better about a few things. :)
Thinking of you Sheryl. Feel better soon. {{{yes, this is a big hug}}}
Posted by: Kris | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 06:07 AM
This AM when they were fighting over who gets the last packet of blueberry oatmeal and it started to look like the Watts riot, I thought" YES! They will be leaving in 40 minutes and I won't have to listen to this all day!" And suddenly, everything started to look bright and sunshiney!!! And I thought, I'm going to be just fine....
Posted by: Olga | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 07:54 AM
What is it with us? All at once? Waaaaah. I want to kick puppies. Only I'm not in the mood. Is it the moon? We could write NASA and tell them to stop fucking with our emotions. Well, this one emotion. Do we have other emotions? Not recently. Heh.
My kids start school on Tuesday, the first day I get them back after a week's vacation with Dad. Let's see how weepy I am by then. Can I come over with a pint of Haagen Dazs? And will you move over?
Posted by: Mindy | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 08:25 AM
I'll give you that smack with a giant dollop of hug on top!
Posted by: lizardek | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 12:08 PM
Sounds like you are not only doing the best you can - sounds like you are an unbelievably caring, involved, attentive, and in-tune mother. If all the kids in the world were cared about by their parents as much as yours are - wow! - what a world it would be!
Give yourself credit - tons of it! You're doing the best you can, out of the best motivation possible. As for the "I took this path, and there's just no knowing" - keep the faith!
Posted by: Sharyn | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 02:26 PM
I truly think the Weepapaloozas of the world are underrated. Sometimes a good solid cry, or seven, is what a person needs to feel even remotely "better."
Here's hoping some internal sunshine comes shining for you soon. : )
Posted by: kerrianne | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 03:18 PM
oh get over yourself!
Posted by: Janet | Thursday, August 23, 2007 at 03:35 PM
You can do this. Just keep yourself busy doing all those things you've been needing/wanting to do while they around and before you know it they will be walking in the door whinning about too much homework and that they need a snack.
Posted by: Kat | Saturday, August 25, 2007 at 05:44 PM
Depression is bad. Beat it up. Pep talks are good as well. I'm rooting for you.
Posted by: DM | Monday, August 27, 2007 at 10:44 AM
Its good that they are in regualar school. Im sure you miss them, but they will learn great social skills!
I remember being in high school and this one family had home schooled the kids most of their life, and the kids were WEIRD.
Kids have to be street smart as well as book smart, and a lot of that comes from being exposed to thigns that you might not agree with. But by them making their own decisions (with your words and your familys ethics ringing in their head) they will be able to make decisions, guide their life, learn from others mistakes, and ultimately become stronger individuals.
Posted by: Missy | Monday, August 27, 2007 at 05:48 PM