Wefair Theen Meent

This loan is turning into a Monty Python skit.

Idiot Broker: Right then, just one more underwriting condition.
Me: Is this the last one?
IB: Oh yes, we just need to test the water for lead.
Me: Just lead? That's all?
IB: Yup.
Me: Only lead. You're sure?
IB: Positive.
Me: Lead only.
IB: Yes. Of course when I say lead, I mean nitrites, nitrates, e-coli, and cauliform.
Me: But you specifically said just lead!
IB: Yes, and that's what I meant: lead. ...And those other things.
Me: And that's it?
IB: Oh yes, yes.
Me: Nothing else?
IB: No, nothing. Except this estimate on how much it would cost to hook up to city water.
Me: What?!
IB: Well, you have to have water! The bank won't lend you money otherwise.
Me: But we have a well!
IB: Precisely. So now there's just this wee little estimate, and then we'll be through.
Me: Aaallll through?
IB: Completely finished.
Me: So after we get an estimate on how much it would cost to hook up to city water, even though we have a perfectly good well, all the paperwork is totally, 100% completed?
IB: Absolutely. Except for----
Me: AUUUUGHGHGHGHHG *spontaneously combusts*

Needless to say I'm rescheduling the movers that were coming on Friday. And I wish my dear husband, whom I love, would please desist with the conspiracy theories about how our broker is malevolent, instead of incompetent. That he would stop already with the creative ideas about what will go wrong next. Nix the second guessing about how we should have done it all differently, especially since I arranged the deal, so we means me.

I know this is how he processes things. I think worrying may be helpful to some people. It's sort of the mental equivalent of rubbing a rabbit's foot. Or chanting a mantra. But worry worries me, and I can't afford any more stress. I like to deal with what is happening NOW, and what I need to do NEXT. I like to keep my head down, and my eyes ahead, like a plow horse. If our broker is really Rasputin, we'll deal with that after we try to drown him and he bobs up from the water with a smile on his face. Until then, I'm focused on turning over the next row of soil in this never. ending. field.

Comments

[bluepoppy]

Next time you sit with the incompetent one, just carry a shotgun and lie it casually across your lap.

If that doesn't work-- perhaps drop a great big FOOT on his incompetent head! Arrrrrgh.

And of course, hang in there . . .

[Zoot]

I'm betting it's more along the lines of "our broker smokes CRACK" as to explain the issues, b/c it takes a certain level competence to be malevolent. And this wackjob? Not so much.

Hang in there, Sheryl. Soon? You'll look back on all of this and laugh. Maniacally.

[Wendi]

Okay...I am sending many...Many...MANY....{{{{HOME CLOSING VIBES}}}} your way!!!

Hang in there!!!

[lizardek]

I'm so slow today. I had to re-read your title several times and finally say it out loud before I finally GOT IT. doh

[laura]

...you stay here with 'im, and make sure 'e doesn't leave...

[Jessica]

That's funny! I love Monty Python and you captured the essence perfectly! It's so great that you have the gift of humor in a time of stress. I wish I had more of that.

My husband is a worrier too and it drives me nuts! The problem is that he knows I don't worry enough so it makes him worry more which makes me worry even less - we have real issues with trying to balance each other, don't we?

Hang in there - keep plowing ahead!

[carmie]

i'd like to introduce you to my favorite mantra of late :

it will all be over soon.
it will all be over soon.
repeat until brain stops.

[DM]

I love Monty Python as well but I'm so confused by the title. Please explain and take into consideration that I've been sick lately.

Can't he be malevolent and incompetant? Works for me.

[aithne]

And i thought the gal I worked with was going through closing hell.

[Sheryl]

There's a skit where a waiter offers a stuffed customer a "wafer thin mint." He refuses, then eats it and explodes. The waiter has a French accent, so I spelled it phonetically. :o)

[Africableu]

It also reminds me of Steve Martin in "The Jerk," telling Bernedette Peters: "I don't need anything; nothing at all...except for this lamp. That's all I need, this lamp...and those scissors. The lamp, these scissors, that's all I need. And these matches. The lamp, the scissors, and the matches, and..." (Paraphrased 'cause I can't remember exactly - but you get my drift).

[Africableu]

It also reminds me of Steve Martin in "The Jerk," telling Bernedette Peters: "I don't need anything; nothing at all...except for this lamp. That's all I need, this lamp...and those scissors. The lamp, these scissors, that's all I need. And these matches. The lamp, the scissors, and the matches, and..." (Paraphrased 'cause I can't remember exactly - but you get my drift).

[Africableu]

Did I mention it reminds of Steve Martin in "The Jerk...?"

Dratted double-posting blog-server, grumble, grumble...

[Marilyn]

At least you're getting some funny blog posts out of this mess. :) Hope it all gets finalized soon.

[sarah]

Gotta love the worrying husbands. Mine is currently in panic that all the boxes won't fit in the trailer. I want to toss him out the window, because if he would just shut up about it and actually PUT THINGS IN BOXES, we might have a hope of managing to move some of our stuff.

[Hula Doula]

This to shall pass...right?! RIGHT! Ok I'm not even convincing myself. Hang in there hon!

[Beth]

Have you tried convincing the broker that you are mentally unstable and he had better get his act together before you snap?

[dulciana]

Ack! You're scaring me. We're buying a house soon. Worrying already...