My brain is broken

I am feeling so sad today. And ususally I just give in. But not today. I don't know whether that's good or bad. I don't care. Today I'm going to clean my house. It's not that cluttered, but I need to go through every room and clean. I need to do laundry. And that's what I'm going to do. Instead of feel sad. I can't do them and feel sad too. It's got to be one or the other.

You know, a couple of weeks ago when I was taking care of myself, and not being lazy, I felt SO good. I mean really good. And then, step by step I just returned to where I was before. I can never remember, when I'm feeling good, how BAD it feels to feel really bad. Or how hard it is to get out of this downward spiral. I never ever remember. I tell myself, "Sheryl, you really need to do X,Y, or Z so that you keep feeling good, because feeling bad is no fun." But I don't really make the connection. I don't really get it. Until I'm back at the bottom again, and I realize that it really sucks to be here.

Please God, let me remember next time.