Health

Hi there. Thank you for your kind emails. Sorry to leave you with such morose posts, but this is the page where I spill it, no holds barred. Unfortunately I have been having some dark hours lately, and when I type whatever I type, it feels true at the time. I just get very frustrated at my inability to change, not just my eating, but many areas in my life. Although I profess to be a Christian, I suspect what I really am is a hedonist. Anyway, I won't rehearse all the whys and wherefores here, but I just wanted to pop in and say I am coping as best I can, and I hope for Breakthrough soon.

dear god

please let our plane crash and please let me be the one fatality on it. i am begging you to put me out of my fucking misery. i sure as hell am not making the world a better place, so would you mind just removing me from the fucking earth?

thanks

OH MY GOD I FUCKING SUCK

I am such a god damed motherfucking screw-up it is UNBELIEVABLE. I swear I cannot do one motherfucking thing right. Somedays I wish I had not even been born. God the shame I have. The shame over not being able to run my life right. I try to pretend like it's not there. I try to pretend that it's guilt or disappointment or it's not a big deal, but I have deep deep shame about it. I am so tired of rehashing the same god damn shit, enumerating all of the ways I cannot fucking function. I CAN NEVER EVER FUCKING CHANGE WHY DO I EVEN BOTHER TRYING

Grrr10

When I've been home for three straight days with three puking kids, it may be a bad choice for someone to complain that two of said children must be taken to a birthday party, while I stay home with last puking child. It also may not behoove someone to lie on the couch when there are dishes and laundry to be done.

And he wonders why I don't watch football with him. It's like asking me if I'd like to have dinner with the other woman.